Serve G*d With Joy

Ivdu Et HaShem B'Simcha

Joy Krauthammer ©

Breed Street Shul

Breed Street Shul and Rabbi Mordechai Ganzweig

 - Joy Krauthammer
8.20.2014

Enjoy these 4 photos.

Yesterday (after admitting her, and then immediately taking my sister (Tzipora bat Leba) home from the hospital because her broken foot surgery is postponed for 1 more day, 8.21) I received an unexpected wonderful uplifting call. A young rabbi from Lakewood, N.J. called to say he discovered a photo of his beloved father, z”l, and my name, date, and phone were written on back.  Thirty years later, my number is unchanged and I was home to get phone call. I had chills hearing his name and this call. 

The son Yisroel had just commemorated the 14th yahrzeit, 16 Av, of his beloved father, Rabbi Mordechai Ganzweig, z”l.  Rabbi Ganzweig died at age 49 in 2000. I had read about the memorial in LA's Hillygram, and after 30 years was thinking about this rabbi who had brought much pleasure to the Jewish community that I'd brought to him in busloads.

When I ran "Joy’s Jewish Art Tours of LA" in the early 1980’s, the primary place (out of many stops) I took my busloads of  guests, was to the historic Breed Street Shul where Rabbi GANZWEIG would welcome us all into his shul (along with the elderly caring shomer Mr. Cohen). There was no longer a minyan at this Boyle Heights synagogue, the oldest functioning synagogue in LA. 

I had photographed Rabbi Ganzweig as he shared personally with us all, the story of the shul and its magnificence. The shul was filled with Hiddur Mitzvah, beautification of ritual objects. The stained glass windows were renowned.

TODAY there is a tour at American Jewish University of the Rare Books Exhibition on Pirkei Avot. The books are from the collection of a prior rabbi at Breed Street Shul. Such a coincidence. My photographs accompany this exhibit.  The exhibit has run since May and ends this week. I missed the artists’ reception, so tonight I hope to see my own enlarged photographs on view at the exhibit (which I would have missed if sister was in hospital).

One photo is of the Breed Street Shul, Congregation Talmud Torah. It was the very first time I had photographed a shul. What I had not even known at that time, was that it was my own paternal grandfather’s, z”l, shul. He had died before I’d ever taken my first plane ride, and I’d never met him. His elderly rebbetzin Zilberstein told me that she remembered my grandfather. (That's a whole other story.)  I photographed his empty chair.  In a darkroom, I had developed and enlarged the black/white photos. 

Yisroel Avigdor Ganzweig discovered a photo of his father in his shul. I had sent my only photo to the shul's rabbi, and now I see it again because Yisroel has quickly sent it to me. I've removed ageing spots and crack lines from the photo, and returned it digitally to the son. As a young boy, Yisroel used to accompany his father to the Sunday tours.  I am so very happy, and so is the son to have made this connection. 

The LA Jewish Historical Society’s president Pauline Hirsch, z”l, in the 1980’s called me. (She knew me from the Jewish Federation and the arts world.) Pauline asked me, “Joy, I see in the press that you run tours to the Breed Street Shul”.  How is that possible? Even I can’t get into the shul. I want to take groups there.” I joyously shared the phone number of Rabbi Mordechai Ganzweig, and for the first time, after my personal bus tours, official tours went regularly to the Breed Street Shul. The tours still through the Jewish Historical Society, take people to this Cultural Historical monument. 

The Chairs and Shtenders photo has also been exhibited at the Exodus Festival, and also at the Jewish Federation accompanying an exhibit years ago of Breed Street Shul furniture. My photo was gifted to their permanent collection.

I am thrilled that Rabbi Ganzweig’s son has the photo of his beloved father leading a tour of his Breed Streed Shul, and that he called to tell me. 

~ ~ ~

My Grandfather's Empty Chair

Breed Street Shul

© Joy Krauthammer 

Mogen Dovid

Breed Street Shul

© Joy Krauthammer 

Pirkei Avot exhibit, Rare Books Collection

American Jewish University  May - August 2014

© Joy Krauthammer 

Breed Street Shul photo (1980's) in exhibition of Rare Books from Breed Street Shul at American Jewish University. Last night the librarian Jackie Ben Efraim toured a synagogue through the secured private collection and Pirkei Avot v'Imahot exhibit. Directly behind framed photo in locked glassed room are OLD bibles from 1500's!

(Photo was from my darkroom days.) See Shul story:
http://joys-prose.blogspot.com/2014/08/breed-street-shul.html

~ ~ ~

MEMORY FLAME CARD

MEMORY FLAME

- Joy Krauthammer 

Based on my sadness from loss, which all chevre share from death of Reb David Zeller, z"l, I designed a memorial card, MEMORY FLAME. As soon as Reb Zalman Schachter-Shalomi shared the saddest news with chevre who were with him last year on Shavuot, I realized I needed to have this card for those of us grieving.


In the center of the Ohr (flame painting I made following a meditation on the Holy Temple), is a glitter gem stone embellished Magen Dovid-shaped lotus flower, a water lily. I thought Reb Dovid would appreciate this flower from his days as a Buddhist Sadhu in India. The lily / sosannim is found in Old Testament in Psalms and sometimes translated by musicologists as "testimony."  Do you see inside the other blue Magen Dovid, is a blue heart?

Enjoy both sides of my Memory Flame card.

MEMORY FLAME

Grateful that digital graphic designer, Joe Rudy, helped me with layout and fonts for Memory Flame.
by Joy Krauthammer ©

Yiskor was fast approaching at the Elat Chayyim country retreat center, and there were no memorial candles visible to remember my husband, z"l, thus in my mind I visualized a virtual flame. Hours later this Memory Flame card was mindfully manifested.


The Yiskor teaching was given to us on Shavuot 2007 by Reb Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. "In memory of loved ones, in each direction, to and from your loved one, z'l, giving and receiving, 'feel Forgiveness, Gratitude, Compassion and Love.' Hold your beloved's hand in your hand."

In locations where candles may not be lit for safety reasons, and in ritual, I and others have used the little Memorial Flame card with my Ohr, flame painting. In all these colors of Ohr "do I see the light" of Reb Zeller. Maybe Reb Zeller's, widow now has the circular double-sided engraved, bronze medallion pendant that I gave to Reb Zeller with these words in Hebrew and English, "In Your Light Do We See Light" (surrounding a Menorah) that he loved to teach and sing. At the Jung Institute, Reb Zeller saw pendant hanging on my neck, liked it, and I immediately removed it and gifted the pendant to him, feeling so good that I could give my Rebbe something he appreciated. On the other side of the pendant, surrounding a Tree of Life, is written, "The Compassionate One Seeks the Heart..."

May Reb Zeller's neshama/ soul be blessed and have a speedy and high aliyah / going up to Shamayim / heaven.

- Joy Krauthammer

~ ~ ~

Comfort the Dying

Comfort the Dying

-  Joy Krauthammer 

COMPASSION IN ACTION - Twilight Brigade certificate I found in my files today.

I am posting certificate from my learning 'in preparation for service to the dying'. 

With the death a month ago of my dearest friend, Edith, obm, I felt I was inadequate as a friend.
That does not feel good.  Edith signed every e-mail to me with "Love you forever".

When Edith died I took a workshop with Kalsman Institute (HUC and Cedars-Sinai) on being present for the dying.  Chaplain and Cantor Sue Knight Deautsch, author of Healing Hand, facilitated. I realized and acknowledged that I really knew how to be present, but just had not felt good enough being present with my friend, and wanted "to be better".  Until Edith became unable to speak and hours later went into morphine coma, I was not aware that my dear friend was dying, not even at age 95 in a couple weeks.

Yes, I had shared words of wisdom with Edith a week before, but not because I knew she was dying.
I didn't know until that day that Edith was on hospice, but friends have been on hospital for a year before dying. Edith had had a pacemaker put into her chest weeks earlier but that didn't mean she was dying! Edith was so much stronger and aware with the pacemaker. Now I thought she was 'living'.

Edith invited me to visit specifically because her "music therapist" was coming over that Tuesday afternoon. I asked singing visitor Jerwin about the medical company he was with. "Roze Room Hospice" he said. I was quietly shocked. He asked me in front of Edith about how I knew Edith and what we shared. I did NOT realize this was really the last time I would have intimate time with Edith. I shared how we "loved" each other, and how it manifested. I didn't know that he was guiding me to share and feed Edith goodness about herself.  It was Easter Sunday in a few days when Edith would be surrounded by family, and then the next day in a coma for a few days.

Somehow the family thought I knew that Edith was on hospice because when she was discharged from hospital and rehab. after pacemaker, she had a hospital bed at home.
Clearly that made no sense to me. Edith had weakened in hospital and functioned better having a hospital bed is what I thought. For a couple years Edith had agencies sending help over to help bathe her, and do PT and OT. So this situation was not new with newly hired caregivers. No one told me otherwise, and I was quite upset when I found out too late. As the music therapist left the house I asked him about "hospice" and he replied it was not legal for him to speak about patient. I had written to daughter asking about that and only when it was too late, did I know about hospice reality.

Giving Comfort to the dying includes: 
Preparing self with a smile, not a sad face.
Sharing Love with words and action (I love you), active Listening, Appreciation and Gratitude (thank you), Forgiveness (I forgive you, forgive me) and Vidui, compassion, silence, memories, hope, and sharing that their life had meaning, and the difference that a person had made to me, and in the world, and holding hands, gazing into eyes, empathy, sympathy, connection, and saying Goodbye (closure) are good thoughts to share with the dying. Emptying oneself to be wholly present before entering the loved one's sacred space is holy. Actions include giving permission to the dying to die and to 'Let Go, Let G*d', and to go to the loved ones seen in the “light”, and understanding of Palliative Care, and honoring person's spiritual beliefs. 

 I took the recent workshop because I felt inadequate. Today I discovered this certificate from a course I had 18 years ago. With that, we also did field work, Bikkur Cholim, visiting the sick. 

 18 = L'Chayim = Life.  18 years. I keep having to learn with each death of a loved one.  18 Friends have died in less than 2 years and more before that. I've lost too many dear friends and cousins. Their lives too short, or too pained with sufferening. Yes, at times I have been fully present with the dying, with death that lingered for months, or for minutes just to say Goodbye, and for a short few days last year with my older sister, z"l.

I was looking today for a picture I had drawn 25 years ago, of how I wanted to Serve G*D–a hand on a drum.
I found instead my training certificate from 7 years later, 18 years ago. There are different ways in which we Serve G*d.

As I write this,  I am told of the death last night of a spiritual friend from shul years ago, Sarah. This saddens me that I haven't been in touch for years, that I did not know Sarah was not well at this time, and I couldn't say goodbye or send greetings. Thankfully her cousins were able to visit and say, Goodbye.

~ ~ ~

http://joys-prose.blogspot.com/2014/02/comfort-dying.html

Compassion in Action - The Twilight Brigade

hereby acknowledges 

Joy Krauthammer

for successfully completing 20 hours of intensive training 

in preparation for service to the dying. 

You bring love, warmth, and an open heart to those in need of comfort. 

You are a light in the darkness. 

Your compassionate presence makes a difference. 

1/9/2000, Los Angeles

Ronnie Kaye and David Kessler

http://www.thetwilightbrigade.com

Description of Organization and Population Served: 

The Twilight Brigade, Compassion in Action is a public benefit corporation whose mission is the conviction that no one need die alone. With compassionate care and reassurance, the end of life can be a time of personal growth and healing for the dying individual and his/her loved ones. 

In order to create a volunteer corps capable of delivering excellent service to the dying, we developed a 20-hour intensive training program (required of interns) that combines communication enhancement activities, personal death awareness exercises, and guided imagery. Our unique curriculum educates participants about death and the dying process, teaches important care techniques and methods, dispels common fears and myths surrounding death, raises awareness about the importance of volunteer service, enhances healthcare professionals' skills in caring for dying patients, and inspires others to become more involved within their communities. Services are delivered free of charge to referred individuals who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness or condition.

Goal to increase society's understanding of death and dying as a natural life process, and advocating the importance of quality end-of-lie care for all.

Death. Dying. End of Life.

Death.  Dying.  End of Life.  Conversation.

- Joy Krauthammer   8.25.2018

Dying topic is good to think about because this is Elul, time for Cheshbon HaNefesh.  

How can I be better?

Be present more fully when visiting another soul, and having the courage to face death, reality, to make the process somehow more comfortable, more connecting, healing between people-- if desired by the dying or the visitor, and if possible. 

I have suffered much in the process, especially when a best friend wanted total privacy/isolation and not a visit even with most beloved best friends. I have needed to understand better the dying one and their needs.

I have acted in denial of dying, and I continue to repent for that.

G*d keeps giving me more experiences to be better.

I share MY THOUGHTS on being asked by friend* about visiting the dying,

and also share Psalms of My Soul for:

Omer day 22  (April 2018)  Kabbalistic Sephirat HaOmer  CHESED sh b'NETZACH 

*Friend wrote for my thoughts on what rabbi asked a group:

1 - What makes you smile?

2 - What are you most proud of?

3 - What is your biggest regret?

4 - What impact has your life had?

     ~ ~ ~

MY REALITY

Visiting the sick/bikur cholim is part of my emuna/faith, my Judaism. I remove 1/60th of illness.

"Harvest the wisdom of our life experience to enrich the present moment." - Aleph.

 (I teach this in my Simchat Chochmah - Joy of Wisdom workshops.)

Body dies, but soul, neshamah is immortal.

Before walking into room to visit ill person, empty self.  Breathe in and out.

Breathe in freshness, trees, bare feet on green grass.

In visiting a friend approaching death, and I am aware that death is coming, hopefully it is at first when the friend is still aware and conscious and can talk and respond, and not on morphine or oxygen when it is too late for a conversation.   

Talk to person. Even if person appears not conscious or sleeping, person's SOUL can HEAR.

Ask permission to hold hand. To give a kiss, a hug. Show affection. 

Share a photo, a memento.

Gaze into eyes silently

Bring a flower only if OK.  Bring flower close and touch to skin.

A little lotion and massage for pleasure.  Maybe they can blow Bubbles. Play a Singing Bowl.

When death has been near, I offer to say Vidui, and even as person has died.

SHARE healing conversations even after death:

Offer Forgiveness. Compassion. Gratitude. Love.

Offer forgiveness, even in general, not knowingly. Ask for forgiveness. 

I learned to speak and to listen to deceased from Reb Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, z'l in 2007.
From that retreat I created a "Portable Pocket Yahrzeit & Yiskor Memory Flame" card, and I give card to mourners.  I'm almost out of the 500 2-sided art cards.

Similar to my Memory Flame card, these basic "5 Conversations" were shared by cantor and chaplain Sue Knight Deutsch in her HUC Kalsman workshop I attended days after my dear friend Edith, obm died.

Thank you.    I love you.    Forgive me.    I Forgive you.    Goodbye.

(What I got out of workshop is that others feel as I do: 'not prepared'.)
The irony is that it is good not to be prepared, but to be present.

BE PRESENT

Be present at the end of life for my dear friends. How can I be better for them? How can I contribute wholeheartedly to loved ones in the face of death? To help ease their journey of their soul.

I have learned NOT to have an agenda, thus to be open to receiving.

From my earlier and similar writing:

Giving Comfort to the dying includes: 

Preparing self with a smile, not a sad face.

Sharing Love with words and action (I love you), active Listening, Appreciation and Gratitude (thank you), Forgiveness (I forgive you, forgive me) and Vidui, compassion, silence, memories, hope, and sharing that their life had meaning, and the difference that a person had made to me, and in the world, and holding hands, gazing into eyes, empathy, maybe sympathy, connection, and saying Goodbye (closure) are good thoughts to share with the dying. 

Emptying oneself to be wholly present before entering the loved one's sacred space is holy. 

Actions include giving permission to the dying to die and to 'Let Go, Let G*d', and to go to the loved ones seen in the “light”.

Understanding of Palliative Care. 

Honoring person's spiritual beliefs. 

Show compassion. 

Show empathy. Being with, connected. Open to other. 

I’m here for you. Put yourself in other’s shoes.

Something person wants to do at this moment and with me. 

Offer to fill need where I can help.

ASK: Can I help you in any way?

If drink is OK, does person want drink?

Ask: Does pillow need fixing? Bed position changed. Sheets straightened? Replaced?  Ask aide.

Our loving actions bring forth healing.

Ask self and other: What can I do to bring about healing at this stage, end of life?

Ask what person would like to talk about. 

Virtues of our friendship.  Ask questions:

How has our friendship made a difference in our lives?

Where you are remembered. (Not only mourned as loss.)

Ask each other about the LOVE you have shared, in what ways? 

How CONNECTED?  What moments?  How did we meet? Memories.

Do you feel good about your life?  What you’ve done? accomplished. Legacy?

Ask person what they would like to have said about them when they are gone---that is asking "What has been the essence of this life?   Mitzvot. Passions.
What would they want their grave marker to read.

"Asked at Heaven's gate as was Reb Zuscha in his dream: "Were you Reb Zuscha?"  meaning

Were you YOURSELF?  Not, were you Abraham, Moshe or Miriam?

Who do you want to see again on the other side to greet you on your birthday in Heaven?

If present during person's transition, give permission to "let go" and "go to the light".

Shared with love so that our Chesed / loving-kindness actions and compassion help bring healing,

 Joy Krauthammer

PS

Visiting the dying is part of my spiritual eldering.

SPIRITUAL ELDERING**  currently from Aleph sounds like "Simchat Chochmah - Joy of Wisdom", my workshop teachings developed in the 1980's by my mentor Savina Teubal, z"l. Savina blessed me to go forward with her turning 60 years of age ritual teachings.

**"This new vision of growing older empowers us to:

•       Harvest the wisdom of our life experience to enrich the present moment.

•       Face our mortality and learn from it.

•       Mature in our relationships and in our communities.

•       Develop a regenerative spirit.

Take active leadership roles in society."

My Bio

My Non-Profit UJ/AJU MBA in Long Term Care.

Licensed Medical Social Worker in NY hospital and Home Care. 

Created "Valley Death Cafe", member of International discussion gathering on End of Life.

I have deeply mourned. 

Bikur Cholim/visit the sick.

Wrote /share unpublished booklet on "Strategic Planning for Caregiver".

Teach wise eldering Baby Boomer workshop  "Simchat Chochmah - Joy of Wisdom".

Have studied "Age-ing to Sage-ing" at Aleph's Kallah.

Studied with "Compassion In Action", Twilight Brigade.

Angel Warrior Caregiver.

Studied Tahara with Chevra Kadisha.

Served as Chevra Kadisha Shomer for deceased.

Officiated at funerals and unveilings.

Spiritual guide for those in need of rituals and answers.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Omer day 22

Endurance / determination

another

http://sephirathaomer.blogspot.com/2011/06/love-within-endurance-day-22-chesed-sh.html

Psalms of My Soul  © Joy Krauthammer  

Kabbalistic Sephirat HaOmer    ספירת העומר

CHESED sh b'NETZACH - day 22  Caring and Loving Kindness Within the Final Journey

Counting Omer 3 weeks and 1 day of 7 weeks 

Living in the crack of life, struggle to endure.

During this Omer day 22, Chesed sh b’Netzach, I am registered for a half day workshop in being present for the dying.  As if I don’t have enough experience in this topic, but I feel that I need support so that I can be a better more understanding present friend.  In last couple years, less than that, I lost at least 17 beloved friends, one at a time, including a sister, z"l months ago, and a few cousins, z"l. 

Lost more loved ones than that in the preceding years. 

Two weeks ago I found it a challenge, or maybe I’m exaggerating, to be with a dying dear friend, obm.  It was not private time for me as family was always in and out of the room with their mother, my friend on hospice in hospital bed. I needed to honor the needs of friend’s family and move in and away both to give others their time.

They all said I was the “best friend”. Edith was my best friend. Edith called me her BFF.

I wish I could have had meaningful conversation even at the end, and been supportive more to my friend. The truth is that I’ve been supportive to her for many years, just as she was supportive and loving to me.  Could I have said anything that could have helped my friend in her final journey on earth? (I did come when she requested my presence with the visiting music healer.) Prior to my friend being on morphine and not responsive, I did not know that this was the end. 

My friend was so much stronger with an implanted pace maker two months earlier.

My reality is that I am in mourning again, with a loss of a best friend, and just feeling that maybe there was more I could have been for her, while holding a hand, stroking her forehead, and kissing her good bye. 

The week before death a hospice music therapist was visiting and dear Edith asked me to come by for the appointment. The therapist with guitar, Jerwin, asked me about the love shared and I expressed out loud some of the ways Edith and I had connected, and how grateful I was for the love. I had no idea at the time that this would be the last of our discussions. Speaking became too difficult along with breathing for Edith.  I did not know that Edith was on hospice. Family had neglected to tell me that a couple months earlier, discharged from hospital with pacemaker and a hospital bed, that Edith was now on hospice.

Thus, this Omer day 22 CHESED sh b'NETZACH represents for me my Loving kindness and compassion in determination to be present at the end of life for my dear friends. How can I be better for them? How can I contribute wholeheartedly to loved ones in the face of death? How to help ease their journey of their soul?

I have written loving notes to family in the days after death, extolling virtues of our friendship and hugs. 

Couple decades ago I studied with a group called Compassion in Action, AKA the Twilight Brigade.  The weeks of driving into LA were to learn to be present for the dying. Between that and all my experience with loved ones dying I still feel to be ‘not enough’ and yet, this journey is not about me. I try to walk into the hospice room empty, and just be present. That can be in silence.

In the last days of my friend Edith’s, obm life, she could not speak, she was in a morphine comatose state, so there was no conversation.  But that did not stop me from telling my friend what she already knew, that I love her, and so did my family. I put my phone to her ear so she could hear my daughter’s voice. My daughter at age 40 has lots of experience saying goodbye. I know Edith's soul heard me, and my soul is feeling it deeply as I write. During day 22, it is the memorial for my friend, and I will be sharing many hugs with her large family, for the last time. They do know I loved their mom, their granny.

I see single flowers growing in cracks in cement, and I see the perseverance needed to live. My 95 year old friend knew her time had come. She had out lived all her peers, she told me years ago. I would have liked to somehow be supportive to her, more than I was, but maybe I was all for her with nothing left unsaid nor undone. Every year on my Elul month preceding Rosh HaShana, Edith reminded me of my Jewish faith ritual, Cheshbon HaNefesh, to ask if forgiveness was needed.  Edith always said "none needed". I always came up with something I had done, like arriving late.

I’m going to the workshop on 'the dying' in a few hours, just in case there is anything I can learn and be conscious about when I say goodbye to my loved ones.

I wonder, did any of Edith’s family speak to her about death, her death. Or were these words unspoken? Edith made it sound like she "never interfered" with family.  Didn't tell them what she thought and gave no advice. In the last couple years, she's taken that out on me! With her kids my age, she told me she thought of me as her child. I loved my Edith. 

http://sephirathaomer.blogspot.com/2015/04/love-in-final-journey-day-22-chesed-sh.html

~ ~ ~