i danced and my eyes sparkled and my angel self took flight into my Book of Life

i danced and my eyes sparkled and my angel self took flight into my Book of Life

by Joy Krauthammer  © 

I DANCED I DANCED I DANCED

i danced in ecstasy on gossamer iridescent wings of an angel.

I danced and spun and my immense wings were outstretched to the limit beyond my body, over my head around the ground, and my smile stretched with glee as far. All the drummers drummed and I danced. To the right, to the left, around and around lifting my wings and flying. My energy raised, my soul soared. I floated on my wings. A drummer later said that I could have taken flight, and I said, “I did take flight.”

Tonight, because I wanted to dance, I had even worn dancing shoes (instead of my clunky purple Birkenstock sandals) and a delicate, soft chiffon skirt with a lovely top (instead of grounding blue jeans and old T-shirt). My intention was set. I even wore Israeli swinging, long dangling earrings with small red gem stones.

Intention. Intention. But from 6:30 pm to 8:40 pm, I did not dance. I drummed deeply, listening, feeling, with my eyes closed toward trance. Others danced outside the drummers' circle and inside the circle, and I could not. I so wanted to dance. How do I get up? How can I be visible? Not OK, was my message. I needed an opening to step forward, an outstretched arm, an invitation.

I had put away my drums early (to get to shop Trader Joe's in time by 9) to leave before the others who were still drumming, and then I saw her. Enchanted, I watched the beautiful, graceful dancer, Lisa, take flight on her angel hummingbird colored, transparent, delicate pleated wings, and I smiled and I stood and clapped for her while she danced.

A woman, Rhonda, said to me, “You, too, can have wings; She has another pair.” “Really?” I asked. The woman asked dancer Lisa for wings, and Rhonda placed the rhinestone neck cuff around MY neck. My hands positioned, holding the inside end of each still wing, and I slowly took flight. (Different than my old 'hang gliding' days.) Space was made for me inside the circle. It was sacred safe space to be free, to be myself with my desire, and dance.

I was able to reveal myself while concealed in wings. My goddess-self emerged. My soul soared. My deep desire to fly--to dance came true, and who knew that I could still spin like a whirling dervish. My wings (like my tambourines) were a physical extension of my arms and hands. I was liberated in my dance. Bat Khorin / daughter of freedom. A transformation! A healing. A mask at first for my intimidation; my discomfort to reveal myself-who truly yearned to move, but most likely could not.

And I moved and I danced; my body danced. My feet danced. My neshamah / soul danced. On my sadly crippled, healing from surgery knees, I danced. On the space beyond time of my nine months of mourning, I danced. On my mitzrayim / constriction I danced. On my oppressed self I danced. On my fear of visibility, and vulnerability, and comparison to others I danced. On my desire I danced. I breathed in and out the present moment of my dance. I danced "for the love I felt. I danced to free my spirit. I danced in response to my joy."* My wings fluttered and flew and I flowed. My wing span was immense, endless as my spirit and my deepest joys / sassoon, simcha, gila, rena, ditza, v'chedva / joy, celebration, rejoicing, jubilation, pleasure and delight.

Endlessly wide I expanded, and then I would cocoon myself in a Shekhina** embrace and bring my wings into my heart, pause, feel the stillness, and then reach outward higher and higher.

As I was landing from my flight, another drummer, sitting across the circle from me (with whom I have never spoken to in all these years at Remo Music Center’s Tuesday Drum Circle nights***** and classes), came over to me outside the circle, and excitedly told me how my eyes were sparkling as soon as I saw the winged woman. I had been witnessed. And I am still sparkling.

I said to the drummer, “And now you can dance with the wings”. And I took off the borrowed beautiful light-weight, magnificent extraordinary set of magical wings, and put the rhinestone cuff around the drummer’s neck, and away danced the drummer into the middle of the safe drum circle.

Rhonda had gifted me with her truly insightful offer that I would like wings. Lisa gifted me with wearing wings. Empowered, I gifted the drummer to liberation. The feminine could shine. Shekhina must be beaming.

When Lisa's dance had gently landed, and a woman, Caroline, and I had looked at each other (just meeting in person for the first time while putting away our percussion), we, Shh, privately acknowledged to each other our own shyness, self-doubt and intimidations. Carolyn--who has a birthday next Wednesday, she said, then stated, “Next week!” Next week we two, too, shall dance since it would be her birthday. And releasing renewed confidence I said, “And me too. Next week!”

So instead of “next week”, tonight-- my second Rhythm Wednesday at Remo, I Danced. I danced and my eyes sparkled and my angel-self took flight into my Book of Life.***

I looked at Carolyn drumming once again in the circle as I danced toward her, and affirmatively expressed, “THIS WEEK!”

I have danced into preparing for the New Year, for Rosh HaShanah, into my Book of Life.

I bless you and myself, that when we can’t walk into the Book of Life, that we dance in with wings.****

Joy Krauthammer

Serve G*d With Joy

September 13, 2006,  20 Elul 5766

* quote by Shiloh Sophia

** Shekhina--Indwelling Feminine Presence of the Source of All Blessings

*** At Rosh HaShanah, the Jewish New Year, we are inscribed into the Book of Life, and it is sealed on Yom Kippur. Our Chasidic rabbis have taught us to “Dance our way into the Book of Life.”

**** While my husband, z’l, may his memory be for a blesSing, was sick for years and then dying, loving community supported me with their wings, lifting me, when mine were broken.

***** I am so very grateful to REMO for offering the sacred safe place and drum facilitators for all of us drummers, and the use of the best REMO drums.

~ ~ ~

THE BESHERT, ROSH HASHANAH TASHLICH SHABBAT TURTLE

THE BESHERT, ROSH HASHANAH TASHLICH SHABBAT TURTLE

2 Tishrei 5765 . Sept. 17, 2004

by Joy Krauthammer

This is a miracle story about a sweet turtle rescued on Tashlich following Rosh HaShanah services, just prior to Shabbat.

The magical morning began on second day Rosh HaShanah at the Temescal Canyon location of the Rosh HaShanah combined Jewish Spiritual Renewal service of B'nai Horin - Children of Freedom and Makom Ohr Shalom. Spiritual leaders included Reb Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, Rabbi Stan Levy, Rabbi Debra Orenstein and Cantors Mark Bacharach and Monty Turner. Unexpected terrific guest leaders included cantorial soloist Craig Taubman, and a great surprise, sharing prayers and stories, Theodore Bikel, who was in deep loving Yiddishe embrace with his long-time dear friend, Reb Zalman.

Musicians included Rebbe Soul's Bruce Berger and flutist Richard Hardy. I had my timbrel to play in joy as the Torah was paraded in shul. Congregants included members from all the Renewal shuls. People had traveled far to come to this service. So many loving friends were present.

Following spiritually moving services, Tashlich on the Santa Monica beach with Rabbi Stan was an awesome experience, as it is every year. Toward the end of Tashlich I had gone looking for the beginning of the Sarah's Tent Tashlich ritual which I also participate in each year. It was supposedly being held in the same area as every year, but I never found it. That was beshert / meant to be.

After doing my own Tashlich ritual, I went back to rejoin B'nai Horin as I had heard that member and teacher, Rina Daly, was doing a later children's Shabbat program. I was talking to Ronit, another B'nai Horin member, as only a few of us were left on the beach after Tashlich. Suddenly I saw a few members huddle together and curious to see what I anticipated was an ocean find, I excused myself and ran to the water's edge.

Jony Goode (Rina's husband) was holding a turtle! Jony had found the turtle, about six inches of shell length, in the ocean. Karen Golden, a long time Sarah's Tent friend and renowned storyteller, quickly exclaimed that this was not an ocean turtle but a freshwater turtle. Jony had rescued the turtle from an unfriendly environment on Tashlich. This is a day of rescuing our souls from our sins.

We decided that maybe someone thought they were liberating the turtle by putting it into the ocean. We all became part of the rescue team. When Karen said the turtle was not in the right environment for him, I decided the turtle would be happier if he had a purification with healing water.

I took out my bottle of spring water and gently poured it over the turtle, beginning with its head. The turtle clearly liked the fresh water as s/he began to stretch out far it's head and all four legs. I think the turtle was really happy to have healthy water. S/he had been more hidden in its shell until given fresh water. The turtle was happy in Karen's hands Another friend, Charlotte Lynn, joined in with more bottled water. Turtle was loving it.

Karen's daughters, Hyla and her younger sister, looked on in glee as their mom was holding the newly found creature. While Karen held the turtle, I then began to pet the turtle's head with a single finger. I continued to stroke the head as the turtle looked at me with it's sweet grateful eyes. The turtle liked for me to stroke its head. I felt I had connected to the turtle's soul. It was a day for Tshuvah / returning to soul.

Karen pointed out the little red color by the eyes, being even more sure that this was not an ocean turtle. Karen said the turtle was underweight, and also that it's shell had been affected by the salt water. Karen exclaimed that she had three turtles in a pond at home and could care for this one. She said that there is even a monthly Friday turtle club. Karen's husband expressed concern for the other turtles in case the new swimmer joined them. I asked Jony for permission if Karen could be a foster mom for the turtle that he had rescued, until the time that Jony and Rina had a proper place to care for the turtle.

Purifying ourselves by throwing our sins into the ocean with proxy bread, and reading poetry on healing waters, by the healing water, we were able to purify our High Holiday turtle with pure spring water! Turtle was given a mikveh to be cleansed. This is a renewed turtle and happy to join community.

Rina began her Shabbat family program and the turtle was at its first (I am sure) Shabbat celebration. Abby sang songs and prayers on guitar as Rina led us into Shabbat with candle, challah and wine on the beach. I knew that I may be late for the evening Erev Shabbat service with Reb Zalman in the Valley at Makom Ohr Shalom, but I was enjoying this beach community Shabbat celebration and especially with the Shabbat Tashlich turtle.

Rina explained that the empty snail shells she had brought to share, were a metaphor for us humans allowing our souls to expand beyond the protective shell. Our Shabbat turtle is a maven on protecting himself in his shell, his makom / home.

I realized that, Beshert, I had missed the Sarah's Tent gathering so that I could participate in the Shabbat rescue of the Tashlich Turtle and help renew it's soul. "Return Again, Return Again, Return To The Land Of Your Soul." (song by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach)

~ ~ ~

.

.